Pardon Me

13-year old Emma and I were engaged in deep conversation about her middle school classes and curriculum. The two of us sat at the table on the screened in porch discussing a change in her class schedule which at first glance was causing her a bit of angst and worry.  As we chased together what it all meant (and as I tried to read not altogether too much into the drama of the moment) I asked her if she might like to have a tutor in the subject.

“No,”  she said, “I don’t need a tutor”

Six-year old Andrew interrupted, enthusiastically  “Hey, remember I had a tutor!”

“You had a tutor? When did you have a tutor?” I questioned.

“Remember, remember? I had a tutor and it farts!”

“It farts?”  I asked incredulously  “You had a tutor that farts?”  I choked back  my laughter.

“Yah. Yah. Remember? At Holland I got a present? A tutor that farts. Remember?” 

“I don’t remember, baby. What present? What tutor? What are you talking about?”   I wiped my giggle tears from both eyes.

Andrew began to demonstrate, gesturing wildly.  “Yah! I got a present at Holland and remember I opened it and it was a tutor, then you go like this”  He pantomimed putting something under his bottom and sitting down hard.

Light bulb recognition went off immediately. I  looked at Emma who held her head in her hands, a slight, wry smile upon her face.  “He’s talking about a whoopie cushion”,  she deadpanned.

“A TOOTER?”  I asked Andrew  “Is that what you meana tooter? Are you talking about the whoopee cushion that Kate gave you?”

“Yah!!”  He shouted, then giggled at me for finally getting it. ” Remember I had a tooter and it farts”

The conversation ended in fits of giggles and guffaws. I still can’t get over it. For her part, Emma never thought it was all that funny.  It just goes to show that the fart joker in me is just never, never, never going to grow up.

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10 thoughts on “Pardon Me

  1. Goofball says:

    maybe Emma needs a tutor that farts…

    sorry I imagine one of the tutor sessions now. Hahaha, it cracks me up too . Sorry Emma, but I agree with your mom that this is funny :p

  2. patois says:

    Oh, if only Emma were a 13-year-old boy. Then he’d be whooping it up.

  3. Sara says:

    I miss that little fella, Jen it is males that like the toilet jokes!!

  4. Waaaaayyyyyy too funny!

  5. Judy Gwilliam says:

    That’s the greatest story about tutors…or tooters that fart. Does Andrew still have the whoopie cushion? It all goes to show that the sound of the word is maybe more important than the spelling. I can’t wait to tell your dad the story. He will also laugh and guffaw. And Emma…well, you know she was secretly laughing inside. She just had to show her “sophistication” like most 13 year old girls. And I know she’ll read this and roll her eyes and say “whatever”. We love and miss y’all.

  6. Judy Gwilliam says:

    So why does my post time say 7:04 pm and it’s really 2:04 pm?

  7. Brillig says:

    Oh. Mygosh. Hahahahahahahahahaha

    (Oh, and I love that your daughter is so much more mature than you and Drew.)

  8. Kate says:

    yep…guilty…. I love making your son fart and laugh and a whoopie cushion just seemed the way to go!!! Do you remember it was hilarious, he loved it. I also got him a toilet that was full of gunk, you push the gunk and it farts!!! He has never laughed so loud!!!! Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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