What you will

The truth is, there aren’t many moments in my life where I am without words or thoughts to share. Not many, no, but  there are a few. And in those times it’s not as if the words have dried up, or the thoughts don’t flow. It’s more that there just isn’t time to chase them to completion and align them into coherent structure.  My mind runs chaotically, directly counter to the way I wish it did.  If I could design it, there would be nothing but linear logic flowing out. Instead, what I’ve got is a convoluted water slide structure where tubes cross but never connect, waves splash wildly, droplets disappear into other designs, and it’s never, never quiet.

Reflection of the way I was raised, possibly.

I am the third of six children, my entrance into the world just four years prior to the dawn of the 70’s. That puts me smack dab in the middle of my 40’s this year, in case you’re wondering. After two boys, I was first born girl and following me are two sisters and a final baby brother to round out the even-steven three boys, three girls family. A family of six rather individual individuals. Among us, there are dancers, musicians, actors, writers, teachers, bankers, therapists, and craftsmen. Some of us are all of those things.  Not one of us is a particulary quiet person.  When the six of us began gathering mates, dates and spouses, the common theme in response from all of those “outsiders” who would soon join us, was the response of just how big, and loud, and warm, and overwhelming , and wonderful it is to be among us.  It’s a fact and an unchangeable one at that.  Truly, I didn’t know what still and quiet actually meant until years after leaving my family house and discovering the joy of such a place inside me and without.  I don’t say that to knock the noise and wonder of living it all out loud, but only to mention that the quiet has merit of its own.

So, I’ve been quiet here. You may have noticed, and even if you did not, I’m telling you so now. Quiet can be good for someone whose water park thinking had stayed open round the clock past the season. It’s not a shutdown, just a visit for maintenance. I’d say all kinds of things here about the whys and the wherefores of this feeling like neccessity, but that tends to make me sound as if I’m whining. Whining, I don’t do, if I can help it.

Writing, though, that I will do.

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12 thoughts on “What you will

  1. Mariposa says:

    Oh, I so love reading this one, I guess this is something we all can relate to.

    • mojenn says:

      I appreciate your comment. I do think it’s interesting just how universal this experience of being human is.

      ~jenn

  2. Sue Ball says:

    I so love your writing. Beautifully said. Thanks so much for sharing. I relate.

  3. Loril gunn says:

    This is beautiful! I haven’t been writing much lately. I rhave been reading and savoring our friend Mary Glover’s poetry, reading a poem or two at a time. It’s hard for me to go slow. I think from what I have read lately (and I have been away a lot house hunting) that you are doing what yu need to do for you. Wishing you well friend! xoxo Hugs, Loril

    • mojenn says:

      Reading and savoring is also going slow. Poetry is a lovely way to recharge. Hugs returned, tenfold.

      ~jenn

  4. Loril gunn says:

    I guess I need to go to bed, considering how many typos were in one short comment. xoxo, Loril

  5. Warren Parkin says:

    Jenn, I love what you’ve said here and how you’ve expressed it.

    I grew up in a similar house –5 and 5. That’s why I learned to stay up late when the quiet came and enjoy the early morning hours.

    If your mind is a mess of water park apparatus, I don’t wish it any different.

    That’s what makes it interesting.

    Mine is a constant choral round of voices and texts vying to see which will speak the loudest within me, and often not doing so in any polite, linear, or reasonable fashion. Some laugh at my movement from place to place while I think, while I sift, while I contribute to the choir. There is so much, so many that movement is what I do to balance the static, the timber, the treble, the base, the soprano, the alto the tenor, the symphony inside my head.

    Linear is simple. Simple was never meant to be interesting.

    I’m glad you’re interesting.

    Warren

    • mojenn says:

      Thank you, Warren. Your words are very kind. Also, exceptionally eloquent. I love your comment for it’s content and poetic rhythm. Say more.

      ~jenn

  6. Goofball says:

    “If I could design it, there would be nothing but linear logic flowing out”

    really? wouldn’t you think that’s boring?

    • mojenn says:

      I really don’t think so, I envy the analytical mind which can follow thought to completion without distraction.
      I don’t have one of those.

      ~jenn

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