As a girl adjusts and adapts to her old home become new, specifically her repatriation to her homeland, she spends time in her head. Lots of time in her head, noting and notating what it means to come “home” and to be “back in the USA”. Among these notations are the telling moments in her psyche where upon hearing phrases from those outside her head such as: “Welcome Home” and “It must be good to be back” there is a distinct non-recognition that those sentiments apply to her at all. It’s not that she’s unhappy in her new place. On the contrary, she’s taking it in and taking it on as the days unfold, consciously creating “HOME” and building happiness for herself and her children. But there is a small amount of disconnect as she transitions, a surreal quality to the whole of the movement, if you will. Something like walking through a fog perhaps. And like an early morning fog rolling off the water, it takes a bit of time for the sun to penetrate and open clear vision upon the day.
I know a girl like that.
She’s taking her time.
As often happens with me when I sit down to write, I had a fully other notion of what I was sitting down to write about than what just now trickled from my fingertips. It’s taken some time for me but I have learned to trust the process of letting my thoughts flow and allowing words to take shape as they will. I tend to look at these moments, these times where my thoughts take charge and my fingers write what they please rather than what I planned, to be truth telling moments. Possibly barrier-less glimpses into what I really need to say versus what I think I want to say or even should say. At the end of the day, I suppose that’s what keeping a blog is all about for me, anyway. This is the place I declared I would let my creativity flow. This would be the place for me to express myself. I am conscious, yes, that I am doing just that in a venue where others come to read and it wouldn’t be honest to say that doesn’t affect at least the way I edit a piece before I hit “publish”. It does, however, cut me wide swath in what I can say or do here. That’s a tremendous freedom feeling.
My lovely friends and my readers who are my friends, your support is appreciated in ways bigger than there are words to express. (And trust me, I know some big words.) I recognize that my presence at this page has been sketchy at best since I opened it. I would like to change that up just a bit. I won’t promise you anything beyond what I believe I am capable of delivering upon, so this is no declaration that I will see you here tomorrow, by any means. Or, maybe it is. What I can definitively say it is, is an invitation to stay with me while I find my way and my rhythm. If you know me well, or know me at all, you’ll know I always have something to say.
Sometimes that something surprises even me.